I’ve scored some crook Christmas presents over the years, but nothing compares to the year my dear old Mum gave me concert tickets. Mum thought she’d surprise me a couple of years ago, by buying tickets to a kick-arse heavy metal concert.

The only problem was, her idea of a serious rock concert was a gig called The Main Event. To her, it sounded, in her words, “very racy”.

In reality, The Main Event was a concert featuring Johnny Farmhand, Olivia Neutron Bomb, and Anthony Warlord. And I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life, having to sit next to Mum, listening to those three sing and carry on.

There was no way I could get out of attending – I didn’t want to hurt Mum’s feelings. But jeez it was boring. When Johnny Farmhand sang, “help me if you can I’m feeling down”, I knew just how he felt. To pass the time, I flicked through the program, and discovered that the promoters were a bunch called Sports and Entertainment Limited. The same mob that’s got a stake in AVESCO, and which lists a certain ‘Anthony Cochrane’ among its directors.

“Bloody Cocho,” I screamed in Mum’s ear. “He’s got fingers in more pies than Four ‘N Twenty’s quality controller!”

So, when I heard big TC had called the 2003 season finale, ‘The Main Event’, I started to worry. When he said it was going to feature an entertainment spectacular, I almost hit the panic button. Did this mean Farmhand, Livvy and Warlow would be the much-touted pre-race entertainment?

Thankfully, instead, Cocho invited 300 Harley riders to provide the ‘music’ at his big Creek end-of-season bash. More ‘aural pleasure’ was provided by a couple of Kenworths and some Scottish bagpipe squeezers, who were all named Jock.

The other thing TC’s mob introduced at Eastern Creek was a new qualifying format – the full-field shootout. I’ve gotta say, I liked the idea of a 33-car run off. I’d be happy to see it used more in the future. But – and it’s a big but – only if it is conducted in the traditional manner. Stuff pulling numbers out of a hat, the running order should be based on the results of practice or qualifying. The running order should slowest to fastest, with the likes of Murph, Skaife and Ambrose going out last.

While we’re talking about shootouts, I was really cranky about what happened at Pukekohe this year. The stewards decided that they would ignore the results of the Top 10 shootout, because some rain fell during its running, making the conditions a lottery.  

This was the biggest load of sheep dung I’d ever witnessed. Heaven forbid that the guy who went out first, might end up on pole position because it rained after he completed his run! That’s the luck of the draw, my friends.

I reckon the poor Kiwi spectators were ripped off. It was a complete farce, with punters paying good money to watch a shootout that ultimately meant nothing.

I know I felt short-changed! What the officials have got to realise, is that punters are quite happy to see a shuffled pack.

V8 Supercar racing can often be processional. It’s at its most exciting when one, or more, of the fast guys charges through the pack. That’s why I reckon they should reintroduce a reverse grid race or two to spice things up.

Punters want more entertainment at race meetings – be it on the track or off it. Sitting with Mum at the concert, listening to Olivia Neutron Bomb, did teach me one thing. When it comes to entertainment at V8 meetings, Livvy has a song that sums it up: ‘You’re The One That I Want’. –Crazy Jason.